My New York Stories

Guest Appearance from Jola:

2009-02-12T11:40:00.001-05:00

So damn typical!!!!

2009-01-28T14:45:00.002-05:00

Ok, ok, I'm back, but don't get used to this. Maybe I'll write more, but I'm not promising anything.

So, anyway, I went to work today knowing that I wasn't feeling so hot. My plan was to see how I felt once I got going, and at least mark up the color on the pages for the mag then leave. So, as luck would have it, I started feeling worse, so I left. I contemplated taking a cab home, but after running to Duane Reade to pick up some drugs, I noticed that the bus was right there. This bus drops me off right across the street from the 3rd ave entrance to the L train—two stops and I'm home—YAY! Well, not so fast, sick lady!!! I get down the stairs only to find that there has been a fire and the L train is not running in either direction. OF COURSE!!!! And in a very New Yorker moment, four of us group together to share a cab to Williamsburg. Then of course the cabbie decided to go on some tour of the LES before heading to the bridge—we all noticed this screwy route! Since we were all going to different locations, I just jumped out of the cab underneath the BQE and walked the rest of the way in the cold rain. I picked up some soup and some Mentholatum then HOME! Finally!! What should have taken at most 30 minutes, took almost 1.5 hrs. So typical!

another one from the archives

2008-08-30T10:31:00.003-04:00

Yesterday after leaving work, I ran up to Lee's Art Supply on 57th St to get some refill pages for my portfolio. The newly renovated outdoor/public space next door was open, so I went up to check it out and see if Boobs the cat was still living over there. I searched through the plants, but no sign of Boobs. During the renovation, Boobs could be found on the other side of the fence; on the 56th St. side next to Hooters. Boobs was actually named years ago by the Hooters employees because she'd always hang around and get chicken wings and stuff. Boobs has been around summer and winter for years. And she is very selective as to who she lets pet her. I happen to be one of the chosen ones, but I have been visiting her off and on for at least 8 years.
So, anyway, as I was up there searching for Boobs, I was reminded of a situation that happened at a nearby public space. I was sitting in the space on 8th Ave just south of 57th street—across from what is now the Hearst tower. The seats all backed up to big cement planters with bushes and trees in them. I was involved with checking my phone messages and calling people back, but I did notice an older woman who was sitting approx. 20 yards to my right. She was eating a little pie and I thought it was cute. So, I'm making a phone call and I notice this woman waving her arms in the air. She's old enough that she can't just get up and run over. I look over at her and she mouths Raaaaaaaaat!!! I barely turned my head and I see out of the corner of my eye a huge effin rat over my shoulder!!!!!!!!!! I screamed and jumped up so fast that I'm surprised that I didn't pull a muscle! I thanked and thanked the woman for alerting me to the presence of that beast. I seriously would have had a heart attack if that thing had crawled onto me!!!!!!!! The woman got a good laugh while eating her pie. I then called a friend and relayed the story to her, and she informed me that a rat would never get that close to a human unless it were rabid. Wonderful!! A rabid rat almost climbed onto me!!! Ugh!

So, anyway, here's some Ride:

same ol story

2008-08-24T13:13:00.003-04:00

When I was younger, guys used to tell me, "You're not the kind of girl we just date; you're the kind of girl we marry." I always found that statement a little irritating because nobody's going to marry me without dating me first, and who's to say that I didn't want to have some fun as well. Anyway, as my birthday is closing in on me, I'm realizing that I somehow got lost in purgatory--in that in between stage of dating and marriage. As I've mentioned before, I've been doing the online thing again. My account expires in a few days, and to be honest, I'm happy about that. The last few months have been torturous. It's been very hard to keep a positive attitude and not blame myself for all the misfortunes that have occurred. In this past week alone, I've had two situations:
1. A guy contacted me about going out. We emailed and he chose a day and the place--we were going to have drinks. I chose that we'd meet at 8pm. His last email to me was, "Tuesday at 8pm at Yaffa is good for me." I wrote back and said that I'd see him there. This interaction was a few days before we were supposed to meet. I could see that he was viewing my profile every day since we made the plans—he even viewed me the day of, but no confirmation email or anything. I went to Yaffa at 8pm on Tuesday and I didn't see him, so I went to the backyard to see if he was back there. I didn't see him, so I went back up front to wait. I sat out front and waited and waited. I called my friend around 8:20 because I needed to talk to someone. I stayed for another 10 minutes or so then left. I was sooo incredibly angry and frustrated. I cannot seem to catch a break! Come on!!!! I ended up meeting up with a few coworkers that were at a place nearby then I went home and logged onto that stupid site—HE WAS ONLINE!!!! I sent another reply to the last email he had sent confirming the day, time and location. I said, "It's Tuesday. I was at Yaffa at 8pm. Where were you?" It's been almost a week and still no response.
2. Yesterday I attended the Bushwick blowout at Dan's house. I was hanging out, chatting with people when I notice a guy I had emailed from the dating site. I sent him a msg when I first joined, and he never responded. Then one night I was out and saw him, so I sent another msg just saying hey, was that you I saw...blah...blah. Again, nothing. That's fine. Whatever. So, he shows up at this party with some chick, and it was pretty apparent that they were on a first or second date. It was pretty funny. There were a few times that I caught him looking at me, but I'm not entirely sure that he recognized me from the site. At one point he sort of pushed me out of the way to get to the keg. He said excuse me and smiled, and that's when I was pretty sure that he didn't know who I was. But it was interesting to see who he chose to go out with. He left before I did. And when I got home I logged onto the site for a few minutes and noticed that he was on. I'm over it all.
Aside from the stupid online dating bs, all else is good. The party was loads o fun!! And the chick who played the best friend in Juno was there—totally random. I knew it time to leave when I went up to go to the bathroom and people were watching fart porn.

NEIL DIAMOND

2008-08-17T11:11:00.002-04:00

Last night I went to see Neil Diamond at Madison Square Garden. Laura B. scored 4 free tickets, and I immediately accepted when she offered one of them to me. I grew up listening to Neil because my dad has always been a huge fan. Now, I've been to a TON of shows in my life, but I have to say Neil tops the list when it comes to being a performer. The best was when he sang "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" and he sat at a little cafe table holding a glass of wine; then he walked across the stage to the woman who sings Babs' part; and they end the song in an embrace. It was such a dramatic skit! Also, the videos during "Brooklyn Roads" and "America" were pretty amazing. It was a fun evening that made me feel like I was a kid again, riding around in my dad's pick-up truck and listening to him belt out the Neil Diamond that was playing on the 8 track.

the cars

2008-08-16T12:31:00.002-04:00

I recently put alot of my old music on my itunes—CDs that I've had forever that I had pretty much forgotten about. And I have to say that The Cars are probably one of the best bands ever!!! I always liked them, but when you remove yourself then listen to them again, you realize how timeless they are. And they have great videos to boot!!! I kind of love Ric Ocasek in that bull dog sort of way.

2008-08-15T18:00:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday, baby girl!
You're a teenager now!!

"pot" o gold

2008-08-13T18:39:00.003-04:00

I think the true sign of a real New Yorker is someone who knows where and how to find a restroom when one is not readily available. When walking around, it's always a bonus to know where to find a terlet. For instance, most chain stores have restrooms--Barnes & Noble, Old Navy, Banana Republic (some of them), Crate and Barrels, etc. Also, any dept store is a good bet. And if you're in midtown, and in the need of a private room, Takashimaya and Bendels both have huge, one-person restrooms.
I bring all of this up because I had to leave work today due to not feeling so well. Another important thing to know is where to find the private bathrooms in or around your office building. When working on 54th btw 5th and Madison, we used the Takashimaya private rooms because they were just around the corner. In the Hearst building, alot of people swear by the 2nd floor bathrooms that are off of the cafeteria, but I never liked those. I preferred the two private rooms on the first floor. I think alot of people had no clue about these. So, today, when I had a bit of an issue at the Time/Life building, I called on coworkers to alert me to where the private toilets are. I know alot of people take the elevator up to another floor that has a handicapped bathroom, but people sit right there, so I wasn't so into that. I was then shown the amazing fleet of restrooms on the floor with the conference room (which was empty today). It was a great find! Huge men's and women's rooms with a private one in the middle. Not sure where I'm working next month, but be certain that when I get there, I WILL find that pot o gold!!!
So, when in the city of millions, there are toilets available, just think outside the bowl.

from the archives...

2008-08-10T10:53:00.002-04:00

Nothing too blog-worthy has happened recently, so I thought I'd tell one of my mom's favorite NY Stories:
The Subway Grate Singer
Back in the day, I lived on 54th St btw 9th and 10th and worked on 54th St btw 5th and Madison, so my commute was pretty straight forward. So, one day I was about to leave for work, and I decided at the last minute to change my underwear from a bikini to a thong. I was wearing a skirt, and I thought I'd be more comfortable in a thong. On my way down 54th St., I often stopped at a cart in front of the Ziegfeld to get my coffee. This particular day was no different. As I was waiting for my coffee, I was standing over the subway grates (typically, this is no big deal as long as you aren't wearing heels). All of the sudden I hear someone singing "You are so beautiful to meeeeee." I look around and notice that the subway grate gate is up and there are guys working below me!!!! I'm standing on a subway grate in a skirt with my last-minute thong choice. I pull my skirt between my legs and try to stand on a tiny piece of cement between the grates. I'm yelling at the cart guy to hurry with my coffee, but he's laughing so hard that he can't get the milk out. I was laughing too, but come on!!!!

carcas

2008-07-27T16:29:00.002-04:00

I was standing outside of the laundromat waiting for my wash to finish up. The breeze was kicking up and the sky was getting darker. Then all of the sudden a huge seagull swooped down in the street right in front of me. I guess the storm brought him inland. He was terrifyingly monstrous!!! Then I notice him go over to a big knuckle-looking bone with flesh hanging off of it that was sitting in the street. He picked off a chunk of the meat and flew around with it hanging from his beak. It was disgusting. I even made a comment to some dude who was also waiting for his laundry. He just sort of laughed.

film

2008-07-22T08:01:00.000-04:00

A little film from some of my favorite artists.

where am i going to go?

2008-07-20T11:28:00.002-04:00

I just want to know who these urban planners are, and what ring of hell they are going to eternally suffer in. I walk outside yesterday to find my street closed off to traffic, and come to find out that "they" are considering closing down a portion of Bedford to traffic, so they are testing it out for a few weekends. All of the business owners were aware of this (of course), but as far as I know, the residents were told nothing. This neighborhood is rapidly becoming all about bringing people in to spend their money. But what about those of us who live here? The laundromat on Bedford and N8th recently closed and is opening up as a restaurant. This leaves one tiny place to do laundry for all of us on the north side of Bedford. Fun times. And what about a grocery store? That would be nice. Ugh, I'm so afraid that my rent is going to fly through the roof come November. If that happens, I have no idea where I would go. Am I going to have to move somewhere far away by myself? Or at 35, am I going to have to try to find a roommate? Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, but it's not lookin' good.

reason #7273 to hate pigeons

2008-07-19T12:06:00.002-04:00

A friend told me the following story:
She saw a number of pigeons swarming to get to something on the sidewalk. As she got closer, she realized that they were eating a pile of puke. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Here's my video of the day. If you don't like it, screw you. I just had eggs for breakfast.

visual stimulation

2008-07-16T12:53:00.002-04:00

This morning on my way to the subway, I noticed a pit bull with the biggest scrot I have ever seen! He seemed very proud (and so did his owner), but looks like that might hurt a bit.

single life

2008-07-13T11:10:00.004-04:00

I've never been one who actually liked dating around--I've never been one of those girls that saw a date as a free meal. I always thought that was gross. I'd rather be with someone or single than go on first dates all of the time (I know it's fun for some people, but not for me). So, anyway, I've been trying to be more open-minded and try new and different avenues to meet people, but somehow I keep ending up in one of two situations:
The first situation being "the nighttime worker." Not sure how this continually happens, but I must have a sign on my forehead that reads, "if you work at night, I'm you're woman." It has been unfortunate because I really enjoyed being around a couple of these guys, but always having to bend my schedule to theirs can become very tiring.
The second situation has become almost an epidemic in my life, and I really cannot begin to figure it out. It's the "ask me out then never go out" situation. It's insane how often this has happened. In recent memory, here are examples:
1.there was the guy I met out one night who called/texted me several times from a job that took him out of town. He said he wanted to hang out when he got back. He went even as far as saying that he wanted to meet up at the mermaid parade. I went out to Coney Island with a friend, and I never heard from him. He even ran into the friend I was with when I met him, so I know he was out there.
2. Then there's the guy I met at the jersey shore (i know, i know, but he's a fireman from the jersey shore, I had to at least give this a shot if for nothing else a good story.) He seemed nice, and he was a friend of a friend, so he came with a good reference. He was fun the weekend that I met him, and he nervously asked me if I'd go to dinner with him sometime. I said sure, we exchanged numbers. He called me the next morning to check in and say that he enjoyed meeting me. We then spoke on the phone several times, and even went as far as choosing a restaurant to go to. He even said that we'd go the next Tuesday and that he'd call me before then. Well, I never heard from him again. I called to see what was going on, and he apologized and we made plans again--never heard from him.
WTF?!!!!
3. Not that this really counts, but there was the 22-year-old french boy who insisted that I give him my phone number because he wanted to take me to Coney Island. Guess what?! I never heard from him.
4. Then most recently, I've been trying the online thing AGAIN. I "met" someone that seemed really interesting. We emailed back and forth several times, then I suggested we meet in person (because emailing is just a waste of time when an actual meeting will determine if you're compatible or not). He said that he was working, but "let's make plans for next week." I wrote back saying that sounds good, the only night I'm not available in Wed, so whatever works for you is good." then...nothing. I wrote another email asking how the weekend was. He responded and asked how mine was. I wrote back, and...nothing.

Now, seriously, WTF? Can I not catch a break? So, in my quest to get to the bottom of this insanity, I sent an email to example #4, and asked what was up. Poor guy just happen to be the situation that broke the camel's back. And, I have to say that he was mature enough and classy enough to actually respond. I still don't have an answer for why this has happened time and again--#4 lost interest (you never even met me!), but I guess I'll keep on keepin' on. I just have to wonder if I will ever be worth someone else's effort. I hope so.

Ok, next, please. I'm heading out soon to McCarren Pool to see The Whip and The Breeders for FREE!!! Hey, maybe I'll meet someone there... :) It will be fun either way.

chicken burger

2008-07-08T22:40:00.002-04:00

So, yesterday I went to the company cafeteria to grab some lunch. I have to say that it's usually pretty good, and one of this week's specials is a build your own burger station. I got the most delicious chicken burger (don't know if I had ever had a chicken burger before). Then I added pepper jack cheese and guacamole. It was so amazing and I was still full at 9pm last night! Anyway, the purpose of this story is that I got home from work, and as usual, ripped off my work clothes to change into my Pico walking duds, and noticed a glob of dried guac on my boob!!! No, not on the front of my dress, but on my flesh--on my boob!!! I was so taken with my chicken burger that I didn't even notice the guac fall inside my dress. I am such a slob!

my life...

2008-06-29T23:22:00.003-04:00

has become a comedy of errors. I can't go into details, but the moment I try to live by the "you only live once" theory, I end up in a whirlwind of craziness. And those women on sex and the city never seemed to deal with the aftermath of doing something a little crazy. No, I didn't wait at a raw food restaurant all night to go home with the waiter or anything, but still, I did something a little out of character, and it all blew up in my face. This city is full of crazies! (and maybe I'm one of them)

work, work

2008-06-26T08:02:00.005-04:00

You think I'd be rushing to get to work when you see the pics below, but I'm lounging while having my morning coffee. Anyway, I think these are kind of funny. This is the brief moment of downtime, and this is what we do...

i'm back in bidness, my friends!

2008-06-21T12:55:00.002-04:00

Yay!! I have my computer back—it's up and running like new AND I didn't pay a cent to have it fixed! I haven't had luck like this since I won those Metallica tickets back in high school. (Um, yeah, my name was called over the morning announcements as the winner, and I was terribly embarrassed, but I ended up having alot of offers to buy the tickets, so I sold them. I wish, now, I had gone to the show.) Anyway, I took my computer in last Sat, and on Wed I called to check the status. I was expecting to have to pay at least $400. I was pretty sure it was some sort of power issue and not the hard drive since the power button was being so sensitive and the whole thing would just turn off in the middle of a sentence, but I wasn't expecting Apple to cover the cost of fixing my baby!!! I go to pick it up yesterday afternoon, and I don't even owe the $40 diagnostic fee. It was amazing! Yesterday was the summer solstice, so maybe this is a sign of things to come. I can always dream, can't I? Of puppies, cotton candy, oceans, hot, airy nights with a cold beer, rock-n-roll, love...le sigh.

time out

2008-06-16T14:57:00.003-04:00

My computer is at the hospital right now, so no blogs for a while. I'm hoping that it will be diagnosed with something that is cheap to fix, but I realize that I'm living in a dream world. I'm just wondering if the people check out all of my files to see what I have on my computer. They probably go in and hack itunes and will watch my videos and will see the pic of the weimaraner getting humped by the deer...oh well.

hot, hot, hot!!!

2008-06-09T07:43:00.002-04:00

This heat wave is insane. I mean, do we really need 100 degree weather in a city where we have to walk everywhere? It's great to get to work and basically need another shower and a change of clothes. Oh, well...I'll survive...

AC

2008-06-07T13:38:00.002-04:00

I think Pico loves me more than ever today because this afternoon inaugurated the 2008 air conditioner season. Since we're on the top floor (no neighbors above us-yay!!!), it gets extra hot in my apt--sometimes almost sauna-like. It's supposed to be in the mid-90s all weekend; which is a huge temperature difference from last night--I was actually a little chilly.

So, it's only 1:45pm, and I've already run a ton of errands--got a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, looked for new plain, black sandals (they apparently do not exist), went to the drugstore, got cheese for tomorrow's outing to governor's island, and somewhat secured the AC in the window. I'm feeling quite productive--let's just hope the AC doesn't go crashing onto the street below.

During my errand run, I saw a freak that I think is worth mentioning. An older man rode past on his bike in front of the mini mall on Bedford. I was standing there on the phone, so I got a good look at him as he rode his bike inside the mall. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves ripped off, fuschia short shorts, and bunny slippers--big bunny slippers that were filthy!! And the bottoms of his feet were black! ick!! It was an interesting outfit to say the least.

Ok, going back out to the heat to take the girl on a walk then cleaning up before heading out to meet Kristen at Schiller's for a delicious steak frites with bernaise sauce. My mouth is already watering!!!

Enjoy the summertime!!

ps-I think I'm going to start ending my entries with a song or a video that matches my mood. Here's today's pick.

bllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...hack hack...blaaaaaaa

2008-06-02T23:16:00.002-04:00

This morning I forced my way onto the last car of the W train. I should have let the door close and get the next train, but no, I had to get on that train. Well, I assume I was being punished because not long after sitting down, a woman who was seated not far from me projectile vomited. She apologized then threw her newspaper on top of it then vomited a few more times. During all of this, she never let go of her iced coffee, and for some reason, didn't leave the train. Most people left her area or just plain left the car we were in. I stayed at the very end of the car. Eventually a woman asked her if she was ok. I'm guessing she was because she had changed seats and was cleaning her shoes off. It was really, really gross!!! I'm no good with puke. And the site haunted me all day. I got to the office and immediately washed my hands, and after eating lunch, I had to take some tums because I was psyching myself out that I was now sick after being exposed to the puke-infested air. I was fine—just a little bit of a hypochondriac.

oh, and yesterday I saw Kelly Osborne coming out of some sushi restaurant on Ave A. Not so exciting, but it was a celeb.

terminal 5

2008-05-31T16:25:00.002-04:00

Don't know why the video is appearing twice in the post below, but while I'm here, I thought I'd mention that I finally saw a show at Terminal 5, and it is an amazing venue! Three levels with bars, bathrooms, and coat checks on all levels. Laura B went with me to see Devotchka. Great show!! They, however, did not play my favorite song. Here's a live version from another show:

Summertime

2008-05-31T14:25:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is June 1—to me that means summer. The weather here in NYC has been rather erratic as of late (does that sound poetic?). We've had hot days followed by cold days. The allergies are out of control. It's been rainy, then sunny, then rainy again which equals terrible humidity. But with all of this comes a spirit of the city that I've always loved. New Yorkers love being outdoors—sitting in the park, dining at sidewalk cafes, just walking around. Last week I actually had a date (no, hell didn't freeze over as far as I'm aware). We met, then walked across the Brooklyn Bridge which was lit up in celebration of its 125th anniversary. It was beautiful, and so nice to be outside (even though I was hacking up a lung from all of the ragweed that was floating around). Aside from the swarms of people that emerge onto the streets, summer in New York is announced by the stench of trash baking curbside and rat and mouse populations being more apparent. The other night I was walking Pico and saw 4 or 5 rats just sitting on the sidewalk munching away on some food—probably bread crumbs and scraps left by some old lady to feed the pigeons. Also, the subway stations become saunas and extremely rodent-infested. Yesterday as I was waiting for the train to get to work, I was watching two mice run around on the platform. The train came across the track, and one of the mice almost jumped onto one of the cars—I wonder how often that happens. Ahhhh, I'm just glad the summer is here. Happy to not be wearing a coat. Now I just need to find an able-bodied friend to help me get my AC back in the window...

hit it, Harriet!!!

shout out

2008-05-16T08:07:00.002-04:00

This is a blog shout out to the assholes named Laura and Laura who woke me up with a call from the New Kids on the Block performance on the Today Show this morning. I don't know why, but I thought they were stupid when they came out. I think I was in 9th grade, and was starting to get into classic rock (what up KLBJ) and of course bands like Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Sugarcubes, etc...

Ok, going to take a shower, but I must mention the other friend of mine who scored press passes for the NKOTB show. I'm sure she's going to do a huge write up about them. HAHAHA!!!

what has the world come to?

2008-05-11T12:28:00.001-04:00

or should I say, what's wrong with me that I'm excited about this:

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/23309034.html

thank you, Andrew for cluing me in on this amazing news!

life

2008-05-10T11:14:00.002-04:00

Life has gotten the best of me for the past two weeks. Pico got really sick with giardia which means that I was outside with her all night because she was getting sick. Then I would come home to an apt filled with poo. It was terrible, but she's much, much better now.
I know alot has happened that I should write about, but right now I am barely functioning because I had way, way, way too much to drink last night at the SPD awards. The tiny piece of chicken with couscous just wasn't enough food. Then I went to the after party. I did finally get the chance to talk to someone I've been wanting to meet for a while. I'm relieved that I spoke to him, but he seemed somewhat preoccupied with a coworker who may possibly be more than a coworker. Oh well.
ok, well, I have to go get my hair dyed now, so more later when I'm not about to die. I just wanted to write something so I don't end up back on Howard's poser list.

shorts

2008-04-26T19:37:00.002-04:00

So, I'm not feeling too hot, and have decided to stay in tonight. I just went outside to pick up some soup, crackers, and seltzer, and as I was walking back to my apt, I hear a man yelling:
"How can you be wearing those shorts? Do you think my mom wants to see your knees? Do you think my wife, my children want to see your knees? You should think about what your wearing before you leave the house."
At first I think it's just a group of people being stupid, but when I turn around to check out the scene, I notice a tall, crazy man walking in the middle of the street yelling at a group of young gay guys. One of them is dressed like a femme Angus Young (shorts, black shoes, and a blazer). Three of the guys turn down a side street to get away from the yelling, but one (who was wearing black jeans) yells back to his friends that they need to continue down the street and they shouldn't let someone yelling at them make them go out of their way. The crazy guy starts yelling at jeans guy: "See, you're not wearing shorts--at least not today!" Everyone on the street was sort of laughing under breath.
Ahhh! All I have to do is walk to the bodega to get an all star performance.

midtown lunches

2008-04-21T21:53:00.002-04:00

Last week set the record for bad lunches in midtown Manhattan. The area that I work in is pretty much either this deli or that deli, so sometimes I try to be creative with what I choose for my mid-day meal. After an overly expensive and royally disappointing salad from Chop't on Wed, I decided to go on an adventure on Thursday. I called Laura R and asked her if she wanted to walk with me to try an Indian burrito place I had heard about. We headed over to 46th st only to find that the place was empty. We assessed our options and decided to try a Cuban sandwich place that was a couple of doors down. The place was steamy and crowded, but we both ordered a chicken cuban to go. I went back to my desk and was swamped with editor requests, so I wasn't paying much attention to my sandwich. But after a while I noticed a nice pile of bones that I was either pulling out of the sandwich or out of my mouth. gaaaaaaaaaaag!!! Times like these make me want to become a vegetarian. Disgusting bone sandwich!! Then Friday rolls around and the weather had been so nice, so a coworker and I decide that we want to go across the street to Heartland and get a burger and eat outside. We amazingly were seated pretty quickly. It was very crowded, but they took our order, and we got our drinks after not too long. THEN! After waiting for 15-20 minutes we asked if the waitress could check on our food. She said she would. THEN! We notice that people around us who had not been ther nearly as long as we had were getting their burgers. We point this out to the waitress who proceeded to yell at us!!! THEN! She brought our burgers and the order was wrong. We finally got our food and the waitress made a point of ignoring us for the rest of our visit. We spoke to another waiter who was very nice, and he gave us more drinks and got us our bill. So instead of having a relaxing, outdoor lunch, it was stressful and not too much fun. So, this week I started off by eating the veggie stir fry and brown rice made at the Time Inc cafeteria.
I guess I could always bring my lunch from home...um, no!

more painted poo

2008-04-21T08:02:00.002-04:00

I need to get a new digital camera so I can document the colored poos in my hood. The latest was turquoise.

another painted poop

2008-04-14T07:53:00.002-04:00

Gotta get ready for work, but yesterday I saw another pile of dog poo that had been spray painted. This time it was a pepto bismol pink. The gold was prettier.

And on Sat night I was headed into the city on the L train when at 1st Ave a freak I had never seen before entered the train. The guy entered the train and announced that he was an alien and his spaceship had crashed onto our planet. He was wearing a couple of those headbands with things boinging off the top, had a huge bag attached to his back, and had a saxophone. AND! to top it off he had the cutest, tiniest kitten on his shoulder that was attached to him with a chain of shoestrings. He played his sax and told us that the tune was some sort of trance he was putting us under and we would feel the effects later. The act worked because quite a few people dug into their pockets and gave him some cash. And most of these people got off the train at Union Square, but I stayed on one more stop. I was treated to his version of Pop Goes the Weasel on the sax--it was actually pretty good.

apology

2008-04-07T21:58:00.001-04:00

So, I have been called out and bumped into the poser category by Howard of the fascinationstreak blog because I have not been posting. I want to apologize to all of my loyal readers for not posting for some time now. You say what? Loyal readers? Nobody leaves you comments, Kelly. EXACTLY! I know I have a journalism degree, so I should want to write, but keep in mind that there's a reason that I'm not using it (well, at least not to its full potential). I do enjoy writing and journaling the crazy things that go on around me, so I'm here to turn over a new leaf. I do, however, need encouragement. I mean, I may come off as strong, but I'm really not (waaaaaah). Anyway, comments are encouraged.

So, anyway, I'm here to say that I really am worried about the state of NYC. In my (gulp) 11 years here, I've seen plenty of great stores, restaurants and bars close because they could no longer afford the insane rents. As most of you know, Florent will soon be closing. To be honest, I haven't been to Florent in years, but that's because I'd rather slit my wrists than venture into that neighborhood on a weekend night. I remember going there quite a bit when I was new to NY. This was back in the day when it took FOUR (yes, 4) cab drivers before I found one who knew how to get to Gansevoort st. Now, no cab driver in the tri-state area would dare not know how to get to Gansevoort. It's all very sad, but the closing of Florent isn't hitting as close to home as the new revelation of the closing of The Hog Pit. Again, I don't make it over there as much as I used to, and now, with all of the glitzy hotels, French manicures, and roid rage that define the neighborhood, the HP is totally out of place. It's dirty, it's divey, and it used to be filled with rockers and bikers. It was cheap and the Southern cuisine was always welcome. If I had a hankering for chicken fried steak, I knew where to go. And in the article that I read about the closing, I found out that a new Ralph Lauren store is scheduled to move into the space. So sad! I HATE you, Ralph! I want my chicken fried steak! I guess I should have known this was coming. I mean, the last time I went to the HP, I didn't think we went too crazy, but when the bill came, we each owed about $75!!! Damn! I could have gone across the street and had a steak at Pastis! Hmph! Oh well. I guess the only thing I can do is go as often as possible until it closes in January. Yes, I will probably make it to 300lbs by then, but it will be worth it.

I love you HOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWG PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUT!!!!

the golden turd

2008-04-07T13:04:00.002-04:00

I ended up not going into work today because I've been feeling extremely weak and tired. Got some blood (actually lots of blood) drawn last Friday, so now just waiting for the results to see what I'm deficient in. So, anyway, since I'm home today, I took Pico out for an early afternoon walk. I stumbled across a pile of dog poo that had been spray painted gold. I guess art is everywhere. It just depends on how you see things.

sparkle, sparkle

2008-02-18T22:56:00.002-05:00

My new obsession is sparkling red wine. It's delicious and amazing. The perfect blend of fizzy sophistication. I mean, seriously, if you haven't tried it, you MUST. I highly recommend the the Black Chook sparkling shiraz. yummy!!!

I have a problem

2008-02-02T13:58:00.001-05:00

I need to be working right now. I need to finish the cover for the book I'm designing. But, instead, I'm watching Air Bud. Ok, it's 2pm now. I need to get on it!

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

2008-01-29T13:37:00.000-05:00

The past few days have been extremely stressed filled. Pico hasn't been doing so well, and besides the stress that goes along with knowing that my old girl won't be around forever, she's been having accidents in the house and crying for me to take her out at ungodly hours of the morning. Let's just say I'm not getting enough sleep. Plus there are always the other stressors of life.

So, with all of this said, I go downstairs to get my lunch at the Hearst cafeteria. I'm sort of walking around in a daze not knowing what I want to eat. I end up with the Mexican buffet, a blueberry tea, and a Granny Smith apple. I get all the way upstairs before I realize that I left my tea on the table with the forks, napkins, etc. Of course it's gone by the time I make it back down, so I grab another tea and two extra crisp chocolate chip cookies for Sarah. I ask the woman who charged me for the first tea, if anyone had given her a blueberry tea because I had left mine down there. She told me to just go through. Then I pointed out that I had two cookies, and she told me to go on anyway. That was sweet! That's been the highlight of the day so far. blah...

yesterday...

2008-01-27T10:15:00.001-05:00

I should have known that yesterday would be a "day" when it started out with the crazies fighting outside my apt. I have yet to find out what was going on, but to be honest, with the events of the rest of the day, I didn't much care.

First, Pico has been having some pee problems for the past few days. She's been doing pee pee dances in the morning and has had a few accidents in the house (at least they've been in the kitchen where it's easy to clean up!!!). So, I took her to the vet to get her checked out. I thought I should probably take a sample with me, so on our way to the dr. I shoved a tupperware container under her as she squatted. Some dirt got in the "sample" so it was no good. They cleaned the container out for me at the vet and gave me rubber gloves, a syringe, and a vile to collect the sample. I mean, come on!!! I'm in NYC with people walking everywhere. I'm not going to take my dog's pee and syringe it into a vile while wearing rubber gloves out on the street!!!! I did, however, get another sample in the tupperware. Some guy was giving me strange looks, but I just put the lid on and put it into a plastic bag. I went straight to the vet clinic thinking that I would vile it when I got there. Of course, the cute Australian (or whatevs) technician was up front. I told him that I was there to drop off a specimen, but I hadn't put it into the vile yet. I took the container out of the bag and it had LEAKED all out!!! The pee got on my hand and all over the floor. Thank goodness I had my purell with me!!! So, the tech took the entire bag and was able to syringe a sample from the bag. I got the antibiotics, and now I'm awaiting the test results.

Before I headed out for the night, I took Pico to potty again. She's getting more frequent walks, so she doesn't have the accidents in the house. I walked her down a side street and noticed a hasidic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hasidic_Judaism) guy sitting in his car, watching a porno on his computer! I could make many comments or judgments here, but I won't. I'll just say that I'm sure he wasn't supposed to be doing that.

Then! I'm out with Laura and some dude with a horrible pony came over because he was convinced he had seen me on Wife Swap! What?!!!! He really thought the woman on the show was me! He was checking my hand for a wedding ring and all! At least he really liked this woman because she told her temp hubby that he was a loser because he's a magician.

ugh. I went home and to bed after that. Guess it's just another day...

crazies

2008-01-26T10:54:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and I here yelling outside. I look out the window and see two of the crazy women in my hood out on the sidewalk, both yelling trying to tell some story, and surrounded by at least 10 cops. It's not even noon!! This is exciting!!!!!

One of the women is an old Polish lady who's lived in the area for years--total babushka! She often walks along yelling at people--she is certifiably insane. And her daughter is an exact replica of her. She's yelled at me quite often, but I just ignore her. I don't think she speaks English at all, so I have no idea what she's saying to me. She did one time try to give me a menu she had picked up off of the sidewalk. weird! I have heard that years ago her husband was killed by a cop, and since then, she's been very off and hates cops. And, I'm not sure who the other woman was, but I have seen her around. Probably some junkie or something.

It was funny because both women were yelling and motioning--looks like one of them must have slapped the other in the face. The cops finally just got in their cars and told the women to go home. I can't wait to go downstairs and talk to the shop owner to see what happened. :)

A few of the older women in the neighborhood love talking to me and giving me all of the gossip of who's who. I know who's a junkie, who has AIDS, who owns what buildings, who actually has millions of dollars, who used to walk around showing their boobs to all of the men, who used to be a nun, etc...you get the idea. It's interesting. I will definitely get the deets of the fight!!!!

Update tk!

My mom is definitely related to me

2008-01-23T22:57:00.000-05:00

So, tonight when I got home, I responded to my mom's earlier voicemail saying that she had experienced a "very Kelly day." That could mean a number of different things, but here's her story:

My mom left work a little early and went by the grocery store on the way home. She was looking for a parking space when she noticed that a truck was backing up with her car right behind it. In my mom's true fashion, she laid on her horn. The truck didn't stop. She kept honking, and luckily, there was nobody behind her, so she started backing up. The truck kept coming. As it hit her front bumper, she realized there was nobody inside the truck. After the impact, the truck kept going and slammed into the back of another car that was trying to leave the parking lot. Everyone was fine, and they located the truck's owner inside the grocery store and got his insurance info, etc. So, my mom finally parks and heads into the store to get her few groceries. Her hands are full as she heads into the produce dept where a FRIGGIN BIRD swoops down at her! A bird inside the grocery store!!!
Now, how does this happen? A truck with no driver hits my mom's car then she goes into the store to have a bird swoop at her! So strange! And it does sound like something that would happen to me!

This story is almost as good as the time my mom was heading to my college dorm from a job that was just a few miles away. On her way, she managed to run over a squirrel AND have a bird hit her front fender then her windshield--pretty sure that one was dead too...

Ahhhh...mom...

little update

2008-01-20T12:53:00.000-05:00

I haven't written much lately (obviously) due to too much work, and to be honest, complete exhaustion. I'm almost finished designing the book I'm working on for Seventeen. These projects are alot of fun, but working on nights and weekends can get draining since I already work all day. (note: not complaining because I'm super happy to have work since I'm self employed!!) Anyway, I delivered the final chapter files to the publisher this past week. I still have to work on the tab pages and cover, but I'm almost finished, so HERE I AM AGAIN!!! Yay!

Nothing too spectacular has happened, but I've seen things here and there, so here are some little updates:

• Pico and I were at the park a couple of weeks ago, and I thought I was seeing a big, fat, black lab. BUT! as we got closer I realized it was a huge potbelly pig. The couple walking the pig had it out in the middle of one of the baseball diamonds. I really wanted to take Pico to meet it, but I was a little afraid. It seemed really sweet, though. It's little, curly tail was wagging away.

• I saw a smushed rat in the middle of the street. It's guts were hanging out, and for a split second, I actually felt sad for it.

• I had Pico out yesterday for her morning potty, and as I was picking up her poo, she started doing her half barks at something. I didn't see any skateboarders around so I had no idea what was going on. Then I noticed a woman walking her ferret down the street on a leash. Pico was so interested in it, but we didn't get close enough for her to sniff.
What's with all of the illegal pets in my hood?

•Been pretty much living on the cheap these days. Not working from Christmas to New Years, and Christmas spending, have totally put me in the hole. Not to mention that rent and medical insurance both went up. So, anyway, I decided that enough was enough and went out to dinner last night. Susan and I tried Back Forty which I had read about. It seemed amazing--I couldn't wait to try the shrimp and bacon beignets. We go there, and those had been permanently taken off the menu. In its place were some battered, fried shrimp. We ordered. They came. But it was the entire shrimp!!!! that had been battered then fried--head, eyes, shell, legs!!! I was so confused. I tried to eat a piece with shell, and it was not pleasant . The table next to us also got the shrimp starter. They were also confused. The guy even asked the waiter if we were supposed to eat the shell. The waiter said that we were supposed to eat the entire shrimp--head, eyeballs and all! WHAT?! No thanks! I think I need to go write a citysearch review.

So, now that I'm not always working, I'm going to do my best to keep the blog alive in '08. Happy belated new year to all!

back in brooklyn

2007-12-29T11:36:00.000-05:00

I got home around midnight last night from spending Christmas in Austin. I couldn't believe that when I stepped out of JFK to get a cab, the air was easier for me to breathe than the air in Austin. I came back with a hacking allergy cough, but even though I woke up with the radiator heat headache this morning, I no longer had the hacking Austin cough. Ahhhh. It's good to be home.

a snow falls in brooklyn

2007-12-02T12:54:00.000-05:00

YAY!!! It's snowing!!!

celeb sighting

2007-11-13T14:46:00.000-05:00

Saw Dustin Hoffman yesterday near the 55th St. entrance to the NRQW station.

waiting to go out

2007-11-10T02:40:00.000-05:00

It's Friday evening, and I'm planning on heading out for a bit, but not until 11:30 or so. I have some time, so I thought that I'd try to catch up on the NY stories. The past couple of weeks have pretty much been work, work, work.

•The other night I was working late in the glass castle and saw the fat, ugly naked guy again strolling around his apt. I wonder if innocent neighbors ever see me in my apartment. YIKES!!!!

•I sometimes have a hard time remembering that the concrete jungle that I live in is actually coastal. Well, last week I was quickly reminded of that fact when on my way to the subway in the morning a HUGE seagull swept down over my head and landed right in front of me!! That thing was almost as big as Pico!!! I personally do not care for birds, and apparently they know this and torture me. They like to fly near me and nearly give me heart attacks! I hate birds!

•Last Sunday was the NYC Marathon. It's hard to describe the experience of watching thousands of runners from all over the world coming together. For years I never went out to watch the marathon, but my current apt is on the route, so all I have to do is walk downstairs or watch from my window. It's amazing! This year I decided to have a few people over to watch. We made breakfast tacos--the smell of coffee, bacon and eggs filled my apt. Delish! We took our food out to the street to see the wheelchair racers, then the first professional women, then the professional men go by. THEN the stream of regulars runners came through for the next couple of hours. It's so much fun to cheer everyone on and yell out their names. This year we seemed to get more of a reaction from the runners. I'm at mile 11, so they're not even half way yet, but I'd probably be dead at that point. I think Laura and I stood out there for at least 4 hours cheering everyone on. And Pico was actually good this year. Last year I had her out while watching the wheelchair racers go by, and we had to go in because she kept barking at them. So embarrassing! It's like having a kid!

•Oh, on Halloween I was leaving work and I saw Connie Chung and Maury Povich going to dinner (really them not costumed people) I think they were going to Patsy's on 56th between Broadway and 8th.

•For some reason, this Halloween my female friends and I all chose to be male costumes. I had actually decided that I was going to be a member of the Junior League for Halloween, but that idea seemed to be lost on most people. Then I spoke with Laura B and found out that Laura R was going to be Mystery--the Ultimate Pick Up Artist. AMAZING!!! That show was beyond belief (of course I saw every episode. AND my friend and I even had a guy try the moves on us at a bar, and , yes, I called him on it. He tried to act like he had no idea what I was talking about--whatevs! He had his avatar and was peacocking and everything. Anyway...) So, since Laura R was going to be Mystery I had to join in and be Kosmo, the cheese-wad that won the show. We were sooo ugly! But the greatest costume went to Laura B who was Larry the Cable Guy. (See below for pics.) Well, Larry and Kosmo decided they needed to run out to the deli, and the only people that appreciated our costumes were the cops that were hanging out inside.

too tired

2007-11-05T03:41:00.000-05:00

I've been neglecting the blog. I'm very overworked and tired. Soooooo sleeeepy!!! And I have like one comment on all of my blogs. Is anyone reading these? (Ok, I get bitchy when I'm tired...)

winter is coming

2007-10-27T17:48:00.000-04:00

Not much has been going on here this past week, well, not much that would be of interest to others. Winter is well on its way, and I think I'm the only person in the tri-state area that is actually excited about this. I like the cold weather (within reason). I grew up wearing shorts on Christmas day and can count on one hand the number of times it snowed in Austin. I like wearing lots of layers, tights, boots, gloves, scarves...you get the point. I, however, could do without the gray sky and rain that we've had all week.

I guess it's appropriate with the gloomy weather and all that last night I went to see Morrissey play at Hammerstein. I love Morrissey, and I've never thought of his music as all gloom and doom, but some songs do fit the bill. The show was AMAZING!!!! My only complaint is that I didn't get to hear some of my faves, but we would have been there all night if I had gotten my way. Here's the setlist that I copied from the website:

Intro: Klaus Nomi
Stop me
Billy Budd
All you need is me
Irish blood english heart
Shoplifters of the world
Gang lord
That's how people grow up
Tomorrow
I just want to see the boy happy
Death of a disco dancer
The loop
Jack the ripper
Crashing boors
Please please please
Find out for yourself
Sister I'm a poet
Goodbye will be farewell
Throwing my arms around paris
Stretch out and wait
Life is a pigsty
How soon is now

((Encore))
First of the gang to die

Again, AMAZING!!! But here's my dream Morrissey show:
Alsatian Cousin
the boy racer
certain people I know
come back to Camden
Frankly, Mr. Shankly
Glamorous Glue
Golden lights
I don't mind if you forget me
the last of the famous international playboys
the national front disco
our frank
panic
piccadilly palare
reader meets author
rush and a push...
sing your life
sweet and tender hooligan
this charming man
tomorrow
tony the pony
vicar in a tutu
you have killed me
you just haven't earned it yet baby

Ok, better get back to that damn book I'm designing...

New York Cares

2007-10-21T18:48:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not referencing Interpol, I'm talking about the volunteer organization here in NYC. Yesterday was New York Cares day. I was one of 6,000 or so volunteers to go to designated schools around the 5 boroughs and help paint, garden, etc. I've been trying to get more involved with helping out, but I wasn't expecting what I was thrown into.

My friend, Gloria, was in charge of one of the groups for the day. I knew I was going to have to trek to some school in the East New York section of Brooklyn. From all I know about this neighborhood (from the news, etc) is that there would be a good chance that I'd be shot on my way from the subway to the school, but to my surprise, the neighborhood was very well kept and clean. I was running a little late and missed to group of people who were walking as a group from the subway. It was about a 10-15 minute walk to the school, and I got a few, "Hey, Baby" comments, but I try to react with a laugh or at least an acknowledgment, especially when I am out of my element, and I've never had a problem. So, I make it to the school, check in, and wait for a bit. The vice principal of the school comes in to welcome us and explain the school. (what?) We had been told ahead of time to not bring bags and that our cell phones would have to be locked up, but I thought that maybe the rules were really strict. No, that was not the case. The school that we were assigned to is basically a prison!! It's a juvenile detention facility that is also a school. The kids live there, and their crimes range from very minor offenses to very serious ones. Ok.... We were told that they would be walking around the hallways, and to not acknowledge them.

I was put on the mural painting projects, so we were in the hallways of the school. It was rather claustrophobic because ALL doors were locked at ALL times. If we needed to get out of the hallway to go to the restroom or something, we had to be escorted by one of the teachers with keys to the doors. And as we were told, groups of the kids came by wearing their prison scrub outfits. They are escorted around by two teachers--one if front and one in back of the line the kids have to walk in. They have to walk with theier hands behind their backs as if they are cuffed. They look like they're in a chain gang. It was really sad because some of these kids looked like they were 12 years old!!!!

Later on I was transferred to a mural down in the girls' section. Right now there are only 9 girls at the facility. There are a ton of boys! Needless to say, it was a real eye-opener. While down there we were talking to one of the teachers who told us that the average stay at the facility is about 30 days, but there were some kids who had been there 2 years. And at one point, two security guards went racing through the hallway because something was up. The teachers told us to stand back, but laughed and said, "the kids can't behave for even one day?" I really admire these people who work with incarcerated kids (that's how they defined them). They all seemed to be the nicest, most genuine people, and they were so appreciative and thankful for our work.

It was an exhausting day, but it was really worth it!

GAWKER!!!

2007-10-17T20:41:00.001-04:00

Our team was mentioned on Gawker.com!!!

http://gawker.com/news/cheese-glorious-cheese/the-third-annual-casserole-party-at-brooklyn-label-312086.php

Texas Casserole Massacre...

2007-10-17T05:56:00.000-04:00

that was the name of our team. Tonight Wendy and I entered the Casserole Cookoff here in Brooklyn. We tested two Texas-style recipes and ended up making the Mexican lasagna (of sorts). We didn't win, but it was still a good time. We got to test all 24 entries and are now filled with loads of cheese, cream and calories--most were pretty good, though (however, there was a fishy one that made me want to gag). Amazingly enough, the winner, Cheese Love, was a team of two guys. Their casserole was a delicious blend of pasta, cheese, spinach and spices. They not only won the Grand Prize, but also won the "Best Crust" category. It was yummy. There was also an interesting Korean casserole, a mole casserole, and a very good spinach and chorizo bake (I wish I had asked for the recipe). Even though we did not win, I still think our cass beat out the winner of the meat category. Theirs was a chicken blend with radishes on top. The chicken tasted like it had been frozen and reheated--blech! Whatever, I'm not a sore loser, but if you'd like to make Texas Casserole Massacre's delicious blend of goodness, here's the recipe:

•Sautee 2 cloves of garlic and half of a small onion in oil in a large skillet until brown.
•Add 1.5 lbs ground beef and 1t salt. Brown beef. Skim off fat
•Add to the beef, 2 cans of Rotel tomatoes, 2 8oz. cans tomato sauce, 1T chili powder, 1/4 t red pepper, 1/2 t black pepper, 1/4 t cumin. Mix and cook for 5 minutes.
•In bowl, mix 16 oz cottage cheese, 1 egg (beaten), and 1/3 cup shredded colby-jack cheese
•Lightly grease 9x13 casserole dish
•Layer 1/2 beef mixture, 6 corn tortillas cut into fourths, cheese mixture. Repeat.
•Top casserole with 1 3/4 cups of cheese and 1/2 cup sliced black olives.
•Bake at 350° for 20-30 minutes or until bubbly.
•Let stand 5-10 minutes and garnish with cilantro.

YUMMO!!!

This city won't break me!!!!!

2007-10-14T20:26:00.000-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I love NYC. I've already left once and came back. BUT last night I had one of those nightmarish experiences, that if I were wavering, would have put me over the edge. I have been working nonstop on my book project, so I decided that it was ok to take a break and go out. I mean, it was Saturday night! Anyway, I left my apt a little after 10pm to meet up with a friend whose brother was in town. I had a birthday party to go to, but I wanted to meet my other friends first. My plan was to be at the bday party by midnight. Well, as I am waiting for my friends a drunken dude decides that he needs to talk to me and tell me how much I look like his half sister and how much he likes my hair and how I should never change it, etc. My friends show up and we go to a bar way over on the west side. All is fine until it hits 11:40 and I need to leave to get to the bday party which is ALL the way across the island on the lower east side. Ok, it shouldn't be a problem. I will just jump in a cab--yeah right!!! I leave and decide to go over one avenue to get a cab going in the direction I need to go--bad idea. I walk down a dark block next to a playground and there are at least 15 rats running around!!! I try walking in the street, but they are everywhere. blech!!!!! Then I get to the avenue, and traffic is at a standstill and there are no open cabs. Ok, I'll keep walking...an hour later I still have no cab and have walked sooo far--in heels!!! At this point I want to curl up in the fetal position, rock back and forth and cry. Mass transit would have been absolutely fine, but it was not an option for the two parts of town I was in. Finally a black car stops and I pay him $20 to take me from SoHo over the 3rd and Ave A. I didn't care because my feet hurt so bad, I had to pee, and I was tired. Ok, so I make it to the party by 1:00ish. I walk in and the place is absolutely packed with people doing some sort of flaming shot at the bar. I already want to kill someone and this wasn't helping. I grab a drink and try to find the bday girl. It's so crowded that I can't even walk or even begin to find her. Then some dude slams into me which makes me spill my drink all over the front of my new shirt. At this point I'm about to have a panic attack from being smashed against all of these people, so I decide to go downstairs to use the bathroom. I make it into the stall right after a chick has been in there puking. It smells terrible and I'm trying to not gag. There is puke all over the seat--"Get me the hell out of here!!!" is all I could think. I leave and trek up to 1st ave and 14th st to catch the L train. There's no way I'm going to deal with trying to get another cab. I am so incredibly frustrated at this point, and I know I had the biggest scowl on my face, but I didn't care. Luckily the train came quickly, and I made it home. I think I may need to go to a podiatrist.

Pico walk

2007-10-09T02:36:00.000-04:00

Having a dog in NYC automatically ensures that one will attract FREAKS! But, also, just being out on the street means that I encounter all sorts of weird activity...
Last night I was walking my friends to the subway, and as we passed the deli, a drunk man spouting Polish speak stumbles out onto the street. His face was all red and he was a little too excited to see Pico. And Pico was just as excited to see him. I have no idea what he was saying, but he started karate chopping her on the back of her neck. I'm guessing it didn't hurt her, but needless to say, we got out of there ASAP.
Then tonight I'm taking Pico down the street and I notice a dog, not on a leash, running down the sidewalk. At first, I see no owner, but then notice the dog continually glancing to the street. The owner was cruising down the street on his segway with a big cig hanging out of his mouth. I mean, I'm hoping this man is injured or crippled or something, because how lazy can a person be?!! Isn't Brooklyn the fattest of all 5 boroughs?

The bee on the L

2007-10-06T15:24:00.000-04:00

So, this week I'm on my way to work. I often ride in the last car on the L train because it tends to be the least crowded. This day the car was not packed, but was somewhat crowded. I found a nice spot to standing next to one of the center poles. There was a man on the other side of the pole who was facing me. So, now that we have the set-up, here goes...
We hit 1st ave, the doors open, and the only thing to enter the car I was on, was a BEE!!! Now, I'm not afraid of bugs, I don't freak out when they're around, but I still don't want them on me. Well, I was wearing the new, French perfume that my brother got me in Paris for my bday, and the little bee must have liked it. I was listening to my ipod when I noticed the bee flying around my head. It was in my face; in my hair. I stood as still as I possibly could, pulled out my earphones, and asked me guy across from me if it was on me. He started swatting at the air and it flew off. At this point, most people in the area have noticed what's going on. The bee flies toward two people standing in the doorway. The girl ducks and moves out of its way. The guy is reading and is totally unaware that this beast is on the train. Well, the bee not only lands on him, but nestles into his long, stringy hair. He has no idea. Everyone is staring at him. I'm telling the girl next to him to tell him. (People don't usually talk on the subway) Finally the guy looks up because everyone is staring at him, so I yell out, "There's a bee in your hair." He starts swinging his nasty hair around, but the bee's not coming out (it's probably stuck). So the guy standing across from me goes and digs the bee out of his hair and it flies out. Now that the bee is loose, it starts flying all around again. Most customers leave the train at Union Square. I decided to get out here that day as well. As I left the train, I saw some guy trying to swat the bee with his magazine. Then he tried to guide it out of the car. I'm not sure what happened after that because I was well on my way uptown. But, yes, all of this happened before 10am and before my morning coffee--quiet a morning!

Intro

2007-10-06T12:17:00.000-04:00

Hi there! People always tell me that I need to write down my stories--the things that happen to me in this insane city or the things I observe happening to others--so here I go. I don't know if I'm more aware of what's going on around me, or if weird things really do only happen to me, but I have some good stories. Check back often for the latest insanity.

k